Thursday, April 15, 2010

God Save The Queen - or at least feed her

Well friends, I'm back. The check cleared and I was able to purchase chocolate chips, fire up the oven, and bake.

But being the fairly politically conscious person I am, I just couldn't help myself from being moved by a story I saw on the nightly news. Apparently, the Queen of England is beside herself with anxiety. Something has her adult diapers (which I'm sure are Burberry or Hermes) in a twist. What you may ask? Well two things really: First of all, her eldest grandson, the ever-adorable-despite-the-balding, Prince William, has been dating his girlfriend for like a gazillion years and he won't marry her. According to my sources...Extra, Access Hollywood, and the NY local ABC news...the queen has told the prince in no uncertain terms that it's time to get hitched!
Well, little Billy prince man refuses to do so.

Aside from that issue, the queen was so overwhelmed by the economic crisis in England she decided, as a sign of solidarity to her people, to take the train - probably to get to the palace.
Ya know, if I were currently living in England, struggling to pay my rent and feed my little corgi puppy, I'd be pretty cheesed off (that's Brit for "pissed off") if the queen, who nobody elected and who lives the good life as the result of the money she earns from what is essentially the most incredible welfare system EVER, decided she'd help me by taking the damn train. How about you sell the crown jewels or one of those ridiculous ermine coats you're always parading around in and give the money to a few of your loyal subjects?

Ugh. Now I'm frustrated!

But that's okay because I baked today. My original thought was to bake something for the queen in order to help her calm down. It had to be something British. Unfortunately, the Brits aren't exactly known for their culinary mastery...or their dental care (sorry Brittany, but it's true). After a few hours of concentrated meditation and about 200 episodes of Keeping Up Appearances on PBS, I decided to bake CHOCOLATE CHIP SCONES. They were easy to make and turned out amazingly well! In fact, they taste of all things British - mostly irony and socialized medicine, with a nice chocolaty finish! Delish! Enjoy folks!

Here's the Recipe:

Adapted from Bon Appetit

2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar

• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

• 1/2 teaspoon salt

• 6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) chilled unsalted butter, diced

• 1 teaspoon (packed) grated lemon peel

• 3/4 cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips

• 3/4 cup chilled buttermilk

• 1 large egg yolk

• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

• Milk (for glaze)


Butter and flour baking sheet. Sift 2 cups flour, 1/3 cup sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt into large bowl. Add butter and lemon peel; rub in with fingertips until butter is reduced to size of rice grains. Mix in chocolate chips. Whisk buttermilk, egg yolk and vanilla in small bowl to blend. Add buttermilk mixture to dry ingredients; mix until dough comes together in moist clumps. Gather dough into ball. Press dough out on lightly floured surface to 8-inch round; cut round into 6 wedges. Transfer wedges to prepared baking sheet, spacing 1 inch apart. (Can be prepared 1 day ahead. Cover and refrigerate.)

Preheat oven to 400°. Brush scones lightly with milk; sprinkle with remaining 2 tablespoons sugar. Bake until scones are crusty on top and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 20 minutes. Serve warm.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Too Broke To Bake

You know what sucks about being broke? Like everything. Everything sucks about being broke. But the most annoying, most frustrating, most sucky thing about it is that you can't do exactly what you want to do whenever you want to do it. Say, for example, that I want to rent a pony, ride sidesaddle down Broadway and parade around Columbus Circle like the Queen of can't do that unless you have money. I know. I tried. The people at the Central Park stables laughed me out of the place and I ended up riding the subway down to Columbus Circle like every other bum in NY. Lame. I know.

And so this is why you - my wonderful obsessed blog fans - were unable to bask in my culinary wonder this week. I was just too damn broke. I know you're shocked. I look really wealthy. I live in a new mansion. Well folks, it's all fake. Lies built on a bed of deceit. I couldn't even afford chocolate chips this week! Although truthfully, I wasn't gonna bake with them. I was just gonna sit in the corner of my room and slam them til the hurt went away. No big deal.

Stay tuned though kids. I'm gonna bake next week. I'll just use my credit card. Why pay now when you can pay later? Right Suze Orman? Right! She's so gay.